Posted in My HEART! by Birkleigh Foreman on 3/9/2010
I CAN CHANGE!!!!
On The World Race, you pretty much feel like you're in a bubble. You feel like you're in the world, but not of it. You feel like an alien. You don't know where home is. You face yourself daily and can't hide because you're constantly being exposed. You don't know what's around the corner, and its life-changing, or is it?
Can an event, trip or culture change me? Can I truly be different when I get home? Will all the changes stick or will I resort back to the same Birkleigh I've always been, because I'm back home where everything is familiar? I'm away experiencing all this growth, change and my worldview is being shaken. At home, my friends and family are doing life, they're moving on and moving ahead in their relationships and jobs. I often compare myself to what I could be doing, and I either find joy in where I'm at or I get this empty feeling like I'm missing out. It can be frustrating because I'm not as mature as I thought I would be by now. I hear God say, accept my grace, accept my love for you and your life right now. "I want to, but....I'm here and I want to be closer to the woman I've been called to be."
I want to CHANGE for good! I want so many things to be different. I basically need lots of work. I find myself going through phases where I'm totally motivated, moved and inspired to make a difference. Then, I fall into a slump where I don't care, I want to quit and I don't see God's purpose in my life. I find myself loving myself more when I'm performing just right, saying all the right things and being affirmed by those around me. It's as if I balance between resting and striving. I wrongly associate my love with God's love. Mine is so limited and conditional, while his is unlimited and unconditional. I want to love unconditionally.
The other night I started a bucket list with my sisters, Martha and Drea, (thats what we do for fun in the middle of Africa). I started writing the most random things, then I began to write the deepest desires of my heart. I included "to love unconditionally, forgive everyone and believe God for the impossible." It was fun to dream and its even cooler to see God give me the desires of my heart. I was listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon today (he's kind of a staple on my race), and it spoke about the heart and what God says about how he created us. He created us with hearts that desire him, and that when we draw close to him, he gives us the desires of his heart. I have desires for myself and then deeper desires for him and his will for me. The closer I get to him, the more I want what those deeper desires.
It all comes back to the heart and my hope is that the change I see in me starts with my heart. That it starts there and it trickles down to my decisions, actions, thoughts and words. I've tried so many times to put rules, guidelines and plans of action to win my battles. I've been trying to modify my behavior, instead of looking right at my heart and seeing the real root of what's happening. God is all about bringing us from where we were, to where he's called us to. He doesn't want us to miss out on any good thing in this life!!
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23
I'm sitting here on a concrete slab on the side of our house here in Tanzania. I'm asking, "God, why have you called me to Africa?" If I'm called to be somewhere, wouldn't I want to be there.? Africa is one of the last places I want to be on any given day and God has called me here for 3 months. In a very short amount of time, I've realized there's not much I like about it. I've gone between feeling guilty for my feelings to feeling justified. Africa isn't for everybody and I'm okay admitting its not for me. When I do journal, I mostly write "I don't want to be here, I want to leave, show me why you have me here, help me to be present." I love that I can be honest with God. I love how he's created me to be attracted to certain places, dreams and challenges.
I've seen more poverty, struggles, heartache and pain here in Africa than any place I've been. I haven't seen it just in the Africans, but in my team and my squad. Because we've lived here almost 3 months, we've become a part of the people's lives. Their culture, their loss, struggle and pain. You can't be here and not be affected by it. We go to funerals, pray for the sick, care for the orphan and pray for the oppressed. The countries we've stayed in have brought us sleepless nights, sickness, battles, depression, impatience and frustration. I find myself failing more than succeeding. My heart has become hard and unaffected because Africa isn't a body of water away, its not something I can choose to experience. It's not new or just a story people tell me about. I'm here and I'm in it. I'm not proud of feeling that way. I think I miss more opportunities than I take. I'm so used to my comforts, the things I want and my needs that I focus inwardly too much. My expectation on myself to never lose hope, always walk in obedience and learn to be content in all circumstances are sometimes too high. God has used Africa to show me how selfish I am. I don't want to be uncomfortable anymore. I don't want to be sick, hot, misunderstood and experience the pressure of always having to be "on." I want my independence, I want to eat foods I like, get in shape and be back in a fast paced lifestyle. I think its hard to admit that I don't care as much as I thought I would. These are the struggles I've been having while here in Africa.
Today my thoughts changed. My prayers became different and my heart began to get softer. Nothing major occured, I just started wanting what He wants for me. I still hold onto my dreams, my wants and needs while God patiently waits for me to come around. He's allowing me to see through his eyes and still wants to use me even when I feel distant or unconcerned. It's tough to write about my failings, but I know if my heart is turned towards him, and I seek after him, his desires will be my desires. I may not LOVE Africa, but God does. I have to choose that God can give me love for this place, these people and reveal his perfect plan for me. I have 23 days left here and I don't want to miss out or be in the of way of God. Please pray that I wouldn't just endure the last days here, but that I would enjoy them. I do want to make an impact here in a major way. I can only do that with him giving me strength. He's called me to Africa to make me fully dependent on him. I didn't sign up for an easy year or ask for an easy life. I want my life to be marked by Godly character, strong convictions and God's love permeating every part of me.
My team REDEEMED is leaving Kitale, Kenya tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. and headed to Jinja, Uganda to meet up with the rest of our squad. We will be spending two days there and then we all go to Tanzania for the month of March. We don't know where exactly what city we're staying in or anything about our ministry, so we wait for the details! That's kind of how our life is and we've adapted!!!
Please pray for us as we travel to Jinga and then head to Tanzania for the month. Pray for our safety and that we stay encouraged and strengthened by God's Spirit.
This month has been the best so far for our team and we're thanking God everyday for His love for us. We are praying for our families, friends and supporters and we love hearing from you. Please email, facebook or comment on our blogs, its a huge encouragement!!!
My toilet is a hole in the ground. The electricity is out. I get my water from a bucket. I have no air conditioning. I eat food made over coals. I work out with the cows and chickens. I wake up to everyone else's alarm but my own. I crave junk food one day and healthy food the next. I can't bank on a solid bowel movement and I've had my fill of instant coffee. Watching movies on my laptop is the closest thing to a movie theater. Paved roads are a thing of the past and hiding anything from anyone is impossible. My clothes have stains and holes. I've run out of makeup and I'm in Africa where there's little hope of finding products I'm familiar with. I can't eat what I want and having a glass of wine with dinner is culturally unacceptable. I hoard chocolate like a squirrel. I cuddle with my favorite teammate during feedback. I endure hours without eating and being clean is a rarity.
I know why I left luxury to live simply. It was time for me to truly live. I heard the whisper there was something more and it was time to give up all that I held dear. To live apart from all the things that brought me happiness and meet the people that would change me.
Yes, I needed to move to truly see the world. I needed to leave to find my heartbeat. I needed to leave my luxury and struggle through the lack, wants and needs. Why would someone want to leave all they had worked for to go on the search for the uncertain?
God wanted to take everything away that once defined me and show me who I truly am. It's frustrating to be in a place that's so unfamiliar, so risky and sometimes lonely. I've always run away when things got too tough or found different means to find satisfaction. I never actually faced myself, my sin and sought the face of God because I filled my life with luxury.
Am I happy all the time? No. Am I filled with all the answers and feel contented in the midst of not getting what I want? No. One thing I am, is more aware of my need for God, my need for community and I hear God speaking to me. Thank God he doesn't give me everything I want, or I'd be missing out on all the lessons he wants to teach me. For once, I see how much I need my character developed.
Yeah, I may be making a sacrifice of luxury to serve God and learn who I truly am. I may also be missing out on a more stable lifestyle, but I'm seeing the world through his eyes. I may not be getting engaged, married, pregnant or seeing all my dreams come true. I feel disconnected from home and from people I've known and loved and that's hard. I feel like people won't understand me when I get home, but I have to believe that my life is not my own.
It's a tough pill to swallow, but everyday I realize how much more needs to change in me. Sometimes its so overwhelming, that I just break, take things out on my team and feel I completely isolated. I'm more comfortable complaining, but God always draws me in and says "you're made for this, take me at my word and obey me." My hope is that I don't just survive the simple life but that I have the abundant life Jesus promised me.
Today, I had the opportunity to go to Great Mercy Ministries Orphanage/Education Center. I met one of the most inspiring women of my life and saw her heart for children and love for God. I was completely humbled and blessed today hearing her stories and meeting the children here in Kitale, Kenya. I heard about her through my friend Ian Schumann of WR Oct 08' and he just finished editing a documentary piece on her, and its AMAZING!! Please keep her in your prayers that God would continue to provide for her and the children. They have so many needs and God provides, but they're still trusting him to meet all of their needs.
The young boy pictured here is named Caleb. When Judith took him in, he was sick, covered in urine, dirty, starving and had been abandoned. No one would take him in or claim him, but she did. The day she brought him home, she bathed, dressed and fed him. She loved him right back to health. In the weeks following, a woman came to the orphanage that recognized him and said "is that Caleb?" It was the same boy she rejected and she saw how good he was doing in Judith's care. The woman offered her dvd's for the children and Judith told her, "we don't have electricity or a dvd player to watch them." The following day someone came by to install electricity totaling 75,000 shillings and paid the bills for the next year. This woman told Judith she felt so bad, and had to help in some way. This is just one of the hundreds of stories she has from her time at the orphanage, and it was such an encouragement to hear the few she shared today.
We went back yesterday and this is how it went down!
I'm amped to get in the little tuk tuk and travel down a bumpy road to see those guys again. My whole team arrived and were greeted with open arms. The guards and wardens were more than excited to have us back and bringing Bibles. We sat under the tree as the guys sat on the ground looking at us waiting for a message. Tres popped up and shared with them about the unshakeable kingdom they were receiving and encouraging them to water the seed of faith that was planted. They stood up proclaiming their new identity in Christ smiling and laughing. We told them we wanted to pray for them next and we were off and running.
My team disbursed among them in three big groups and prayed for each of them. That was one of the coolest things! I felt God's presence so strong praying for these men. I prayed protection, God's Spirit to fill them, joy, more love and a deeper revelation of His word. I'm thinking to myself, I'm praying for these guys, I'm really praying for these guys. These could be the same guys I hold my purse closer cause I fear they may steal from me. Yeah, I said it. I've held my own share of prejudices and to know that God can redeem someone right in front of your eyes, that makes those predjudices disappear. You just keep praying, and wanting them to see themselves the way God sees them. You stop thinking, this person did this bad thing, sinned against me or them, they would never come to God. All you think about is, God is changing them right in front of my eyes, really? Yeah..that's definitely faith building and I am a firm believer that God is nearest to those we think are the farthest away. That's why the God we serve is the freaking dopest. He has hope in us when no one else does. He believes in us when no one else does, he is rooting for us when even the truest of friends abandons us. I want more of Him, I want more of Him to reveal himself to those guys! The God we serve is all over this stuff. He's all about us being who we were created to be and he will pursue us no matter what we've done. I had an opportunity to share with them my favorite passage of scripture in Luke 7. I shared about the sinful woman anointing and cleaning the feet of Jesus and how no matter what we've done, God forgives us. They listened intently and then Beth shared about their freedom in Christ. Even though they're behind bars, they can be spiritually free.
I left feeling like I made a difference. I was on fire and so encouraged to see people's lives changed. I pray that God continues to send more people to that prison to disciple, encourage and teach those men. I know the Bibles we gave them will be cherished and I look forward to seeing these men in heaven someday.
What can I do to show your love today? I don't want to miss out on anything you have for me!
Only two minutes after praying that prayer, I was sitting talking to Bethany waiting for Benard to get his school pictures taken. I look out the door and I see a street kid standing there sniffing glue and looking at me.
I wanted to talk to him. I knew he would ask for something. What did I have? Oh, I have the cookie i stashed in my bag this morning. I could give it to him. He needs more than a cookie. I'll give it to him and tell him how Jesus loves him. "Come here," I motion to him. Then three more boys show up and I realize I don't have enough to give them all and If I give to just one, than they will fight over the cookie. I looked over at Beth and said, I don't have enough to give them all something. She says, "just split it." That works, yeah I'll do that. They very quickly come into the store and are waiting for me to give them the cookie. Beth reaches over to the kid who has the bottle of glue and takes it from his hands. He uses that glue to get high so that he won't get hunger pains. My heart broke. It was time to be bold, and not just pity them. It was time to speak truth and not just give them a hand out. I asked him his name and told him I wanted to tell him about Jesus.
I stepped outside with the boys, and tried to get all their names. Some were difficult to understand or pronounce, but two of them were named David and Felix. They saw me holding the cookie and kept wanting me to hand it to them. I told them, "no, not until you hear about Jesus and his love for you." I shared with them that Jesus created them, knows them and wants to live in their heart. They listened and I asked if we could pray together right there asking Jesus to come into their heart and for God to reveal himself to them. There was a language barrier and I'm not sure how much they understood but I prayed for the Spirit of God to speak to them and draw them to himself. I prayed that more people would reach out to these young boys. I prayed they would know Jesus and want to live for him. After I finished praying, I got the cookie out and divided it up four ways. They really enjoyed the chocolaty goodness and I gave them big hugs! God gave me the opportunity to love and speak truth to these boys and I know He's going to continue to show His love to them!!!
You're all alone. Your mother has died. Your father has died. Your relatives can't take you in. You have no home. You have no job because you haven't finished school. You have no money to your name because family members have taken it all. You turn 23 today.
Imagine
If you trusted Jesus in the midst of everything and he provided miraculously. He gave you people to take care of you, and a family to take you in as their own. You get a place to stay and finances to go to school. You can pursue a career as a doctor and have a family of your own someday.
Imagine
Not being bitter, angry and cynical but instead forgiving, full of joy and hope. You believe the Jesus of the Bible and that He cares for you more than you know. Your circumstances don't determine His love for you. He's always loved you and you love Him back.
Imagine
You're not just another orphan. Just another number to society or drop in the bucket. You have a name. You have a story. You have a struggle and you have a dream. You are Benard Kwoba, and you're a child of God. He tells you that He's a father to the fatherless and will never forsake you. You want this Jesus that carries your burdens, heals your wounds and sets you free. You are no longer an orphan, nameless, without hope or a future. You are adopted into the family of God and your life matters. You matter, and you are God's masterpiece.
In Matthew chapter 25 v. 35-36 where Jesus says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." To our team this month, Benard is the stranger, the one in need and the orphan to look after. We want to help him go to school this next term. We're asking anyone to contribute anything they can. He's such a bright, ambitious and gentle young man and we have the opportunity to bless him.
God is showing us what true religion is, "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1: 27). Please join us in prayer for his life, that God would use us as a miracle in it.
Details:
In order for this to take place, we are trusting in God and His faithfulness, and you as His stewards. We are a team of seven, and have taken on Benard as our child. We feel God has called us to provide for him over these next two years. If we divide the needs between our team members, it requires that each of us raise $90. This amount will provide Benard with tuition for the next two terms, a home to live in, a bed to sleep on, utensils to eat with, uniforms to wear, books to study, and daily meals. This is such a small cost when many of us look at our lives back home. To live off of $630 for two years, how can we not be there to help him. We trust that God will provide these means, and that your heart will be opened as ours was. We are leaving Kitale in 8 days, and are praying endlessly that this can be pulled off. We will be buying uniforms and books this Friday (2/19/10), and if all goes as we hope, we will be going with Benard next week (2/22/10) to sign off on the home. When we leave Kenya, Team Mosiac will officially be the appointed guardian of Benard Kwoba. So please, would you step out in faith with us as we serve this world as He has called.
In order to donate, here are your option:
Please make the check out to me: Birkleigh Foreman and send it to my father:
David Foreman
1320 E. Court St.
Flint, MI 48503
Or if you want to directly deposit into my account, contact me by email (Birkleigh@gmail.com) and I can give you my account number.
I don't have answers, I feel powerless. I'm a young, American,Christian girl walking into devastation. I'm walking into a pediatric ward with smells that make you gag, unsanitary conditions that make you queezy and the wailing sounds of infants.
I smell death!
The only way I can do this, is to admit I can't do this. I actually want to walk back out of the doors, and breathe deeply all of the hope, pleasure and joy of life. Am I really more concerned with how I feel right now? That's pretty ridiculous Birkleigh! You need to push your feelings aside, and pray for these kids.
Alright, I'm going for it. There's so many kids, so many needs and I'm praying and nothing is happening. No one is getting healed right away and they're dying right in front of me. AH! I'm broken and angry at the same time. I'm angry at stupid sickness, and I'm broken by their suffering. I want them better. I want to pray and see them healed. That isn't wrong, that's God's heart, right?
I'm doubting. I'm actually praying and not believing that these kids will get better. STOP! Okay, I'm sorry I'm doubting God. I believe. I believe that you're good, even though they're in pain. You exist in the midst of pain and suffering, but why don't you eliminate it? Make it go away...Please!
I want peace. I want healing. I want faith. Screw what I want. Do I want it, because I want them healed, I want them free, or do I want it because I don't want to feel pain? I don't want to feel pain. I actually don't want to suffer. I run from both. If I start to feel other people's pain, I pray for it to go away. I pray for their pain and suffering to go away. We shouldn't be sick. These kids shouldn't be sick.
I'm going to just keep praying because I'm trying to figure God out and why people suffer. I think I'm just going to keep listening to Him and be obedient. I think I'm trying to be God and I need to just be Birkleigh. I don't have the answers, but I have the Spirit of God living in me. That same Spirit enables this young, American, Christian girl to walk into devastation and bring hope. I don't know how. I don't know how much of a difference I even made today, I don't know a whole lot of anything but I believe in Jesus.
He brings life and not death. He brings hope and not despair. He brings healing and not sickness. So, I'm going to keep praying, keep believing and asking for Jesus to bring me the broken, sick, dying and lost. Not because I can do anything significant, but because He can. He has died to save these people, and I'm not gonna stop praying. I will keep praying even when people don't get healed and situations don't change. I have faith that His kingdom will come on earth as it is in heaven!
Posted in Spotlight by Birkleigh Foreman on 2/12/2010
Faithful, Passionate, Humble, Desperate, Loving and Pursuing Jesus with all of her Heart!
Miley has the Spotlight this month!
This woman is a beautiful daughter of the King and I got the opportunity to meet her last month in Uganda, hear her story and I was deeply moved to share it with you.
In this short video, she's telling me how the government took their house, didn't pay them and sent her family to rent an apartment where they paid more. She very confidently tells me that God is in control, that the challenges don't stop but she has more peace with him than with what money can give. Her story amazes me!
Miley was in an awful car accident eight years ago damaging her spine and she no longer is able to walk. She volunteers at he local hospital and is trying to raise money for a spinal unit that takes care of the patients before its too late. The night of her accident she did not get the proper care and had to wait more than a day for surgery. If she would have been seen immediately, they would have been able to spare her spine and she would still be walking. Despite the error on the hospitals part, she lives her life full of joy and doesn't complain about her circumstances. She just wants to be used by God and make his love known.
Please be praying for her as she finishes school, cares for her sisters and raises funds for the spinal unit in Kampala, Uganda at the hospital. She told me that people always want to pray for her healing, and all she says to that is, "you can, but I all really want is the presence of Jesus all the time." WOW!! That's true contentment and living in God's will. She's not shaken by her circumstances and she is a living, breathing example of His love.
