So, it's been about 2 months since 

I started working with Live58 and it's been a great learning experience but also a real challenge to how I live my life.

I've come to realize that without deliberately setting apart my time, money and energy for others, I choose to live selfishly. It's a discipline to think of others needs above my own and to be purposeful with my investments. I can't pray for hearts to be changed if it doesn't start with me first.

So the truth I had to realize about myself and the obstacle I face in reaching people with this message is that the truth is-

We are selfish.

We are more concerned with ourselves then with our neighbor.

We want our comforts rather than sacrifice to save lives

In our minds we think about others needs but it doesn't transfer over to a part of who we are. How do we bridge the gap from seeing a need, being moved emotionally and then taking action to being part of the solution?

It's about a lifestyle not just a donation or contributing to a cause. God wants us to live a lifestyle of sacrifice which in all honestly takes more time, money and commitment. Are we too lazy to commit for the long haul?

What kind of lifestyle are we choosing? Is it looking outward to needs beyond ourselves or is it a refusal to look at injustice and the solutions that we actually have right in front of us because the problem is to big and it doesn't directly relate to us?

Have we become desensitized to human suffering? Are we disconnected from the poor?

We have everything we need to END extreme global poverty, and the only thing standing in the way is lack of faith, which prevents us from actually doing something. If we first think our giving won't do anything and then we make an excuse as to why we don't give, we're stuck in disbelief and doubt.  If everyone in the church gave, we could make an unprecedented difference in this world.

There shouldn't be a cap on our giving, because that's not the example that He set for us to follow. He never said there is a limit to what and how we give. He said to care for the "least of these" This is not my way of trying to make people feel guilty, I just know we need to mount up in unity towards this issue.  And it's simple. We can simply fast and give. Choosing to give up one coffee a week for a month could literally save a life.  In the underdeveloped world a little goes a long way.  Then why do we hold back? 

A tempting thought is that I've already gone on a mission trip, given money to a missionary and  supported a charity so I can't really give anymore.  You're tapped. But if the question comes up as to whether or not, you should get the new IPHONE, you don't think...you know I have the 4, I'm good. No, you think I want the new IPHONE and don't think twice about the cost, you think, I WANT IT. The only reason I'm using this as an example is because most all of us have done this, and it's a normal way of looking at your wants. 

The perfect news is that we're not called to be normal, we're called to live above normal. I'm NOT saying that we shouldn't want to buy things for ourselves, but I am saying that when an opportunity comes up to join a movement that says we can end extreme global poverty in our lifetime, a beyond the normal response is YES!!!!

That is what I'd like to call a heart check.

Its not the time to pat yourself on the back for giving a dollar to a homeless person, or attending a fundraiser or even going on a mission trip. It's time to let God look at your heart towards EXTREME GLOBAL POVERTY which is 1 billion people living on $1.25/day. That is something we barely have a grasp on, but it's 1 billion people's reality. We can change that!!!

We can actually change history and save lives for daily costs of privileged American life. We can covenant with God to see an end to something that has existed for generations. Is the trade off worth it?  Of course, because with extreme global poverty there is a solution!

You're reading this and probably thinking, well it's going to take years to reach this goal, and I'll say yes, that's why it's a lifetime of a lifestyle of giving oneself. We are being confronted with the truth and with very real needs of people and are we willing to look at them?

Thankfully, we don't have to think about if it's the right thing or wonder what God wants. He commands us to care for the poor not giving us an option so what's standing in the way of His dream coming to fruition? Lack of faith in the Church!

It does start with you, and me and if you're reading this and thinking yes, this really is how I've responded to God's call to care for the poor. We don't need anymore Bible Studies, small groups, books written and podcasts to teach us how to serve. We need to start doing it already. I'm not satisfied with just gathering together every week and not actually serving the needs of the poor. We can't just go through the religious motions and think that's the way to God's heart. We get to his heart by sacrificing for the poor, end of story.

Let's man up and take a good look at our lives and let God open your heart to joining the 58 movement. Everyone should contribute, because everyone has something to give and all you have is from Him anyway. What's the joy in life, if you don't give it all away?

Join the tour at http://my.live58.org/tour

Need Bloggers

For

Live58 (Alliance of  Christian Non-Profits with the Mission of ENDING EXTREME GLOBAL POVERTY) 

http://www.live58.org 

How would you like to 

Write for 

The

Global Impact Tour: 12 countries, 12 months, 12 projects (We feature a different country every month and one of our non-profits goes out to the country serving the needs of the poor). 

By

 Adopting a country: Blog about your experience in that country as well as needs of the country. We want to inform people as well as share our stories. 

Contact ADAM at Adam@live58.org if you're interested and already have any blogs on Rwanda (featured country of the month for May)

Consider this a way to reconnect with your experience on the WR by helping people understand what the needs are and how to serve the poor.  We need your personal experience to help bring life and give a face to these issues.

 Thank you so much for sharing your talent to SAVE LIVES!!!

      Some of you may be thinking, what do you mean?  

I'm talking about being used in the context of "being used" by God. I'm talking about how it feels when you return from the race, and you're spent. You've spread yourself thin for the cause of Christ, and you don't have regrets but you're tired from the traveling, sickness and community.  You're unmotivated because let's face it, you're overwhelmed at re-entry. You're overwhelmed by all you've experienced and you haven't "processed" everything.  There are so many dreams, ideas and visions not to mention the reality hits of getting a "normal" job and not living on support. The desire for earning money and spending it freely comes quickly and so does the guilty feeling that we should give every penny to the poor.  The questions come like, how do I go back to normal life? How do I fuse my experience on the World Race with my life back in the states? Should I stay and do normal life or should I go back on the field cause that's all that makes sense? You feel torn and indecisive. All the dreams and visions you had on the Race seem to go on the back burner, because "real life" hits and you don't have a plan, yet.  You find yourself in a dilemma and one of the hardest things is you're not in community anymore.

All of this happens, and for any missionary that's spent an extended amount of time on the field, we know those feelings, questions and thoughts all to well.  There's no shame in confessing the truth of your experience, with all the intense details.  What I learned about my post race experience was that the fire did dwindle down, the passion subsided and the memories began to fade. I had to work at remembering all that the Lord had done and what I had seen. It took effort to integrate my World Race experience into my life back in America. The goals I had before I got home from the race were not realized and I found myself forgetting my commitments. Let me just be honest, I didn't know what to do with my life when I got back, and I didn't prepare myself for apathy or indifference. I'm confessing that I forgot about the poor, the hungry and the thirsty. It's like I came back home to all the comforts and made sure that I was taking care of myself. I look back on it now, and see how I could have kept the passion and love going for the "least of these."

What did I need? I needed a call to action.  I needed a plan.  I needed a dream bigger than myself to attach to.  I had the experience and the heart change, but didn't know how to transfer it to a way of life here.   I'm still learning that the Lord doesn't just want our experiences; he wants a heart change that leads to a natural outflow of living sacrificially.  Don't get me wrong, I came back excited to share my experience, and I kept in touch with the WR community. I just wish I could go back in time, and get plugged in immediately with a tangible way to live out my heart change back in states. 

          One of the biggest things I have realized since returning home for the WR almost 2 years ago, was that an experience isn't enough.  You need a plan when you come home that is in alignment with God's heart for the poor.  You need community to keep you accountable. In the U.S. we are not constantly reminded of extreme poverty (people living on $1.25/day), because we're so privileged.  We have all our comforts and our dreams, but if we don't have an outlet for our visions then they go on the back burner of our hearts.  I don't want that to happen to you like it happened to me.  There is hope!!!

            About a month ago after years of praying for God to use my WR experience, my passion for the poor and love for relationships. The Lord gave me a job working with the Live58 team as Executive Assistant/Relationship Manager here in L.A.  Live58's mission is to END extreme global poverty in our lifetime by forming alliances with reputable non-profits that have the same vision. The truth is that, extreme global poverty has been cut in half since 1981 so that means the CHURCH could actually change the course of history by living out the principles of Isaiah 58.  In Isaiah 58, God calls us to Pray, Fast and Give, and he will hear our prayers.  We're all familiar with the ONE campaign and they have 40 of the top celebrities in the world declaring that the government will solve this problem. The church has NO unified voice on ENDING extreme global poverty. That is embarrassing.  Jesus is obsessed and crazy over the "least of these" but the church as a unified body, has turned away because we don't know the truth about extreme poverty and we don't actually believe that together we can END it.  Here at Live58 we are educating the Church on the truth of extreme global poverty and calling forth an army to Pray, Fast and Give. 

We're not just another non-profit trying to raise money for a cause. We are a movement that is chasing after God's heart for the poor, because without a true heart change, nothing will change. We want people to first see that the way to END this is through living Isaiah 58, and spreading the word about the opportunity we have to END this thing.  We believe that the more people that know and live this, the more lives will be saved and the dreams of God for this generation will no longer stay on the back burner.  The great thing is that, God is not giving us a choice (so indecisiveness goes out the window). He's commanding us to care for the poor!!! The other great thing is that it's a sacrifice that is worship unto Him. We fast one coffee a week, or one meal a week and add that up at the end of the month, and that is about $25 (depending on where you get coffee or food).  We barely blink an eye at that, but that amount could change someone's life forever.  We really can't say that we can't afford to miss one of our comforts each week.  We all get asked to support missionaries, give to church, non-profits and fundraisers.  I admit that there are many times I've thought, what is my $25 really going to do for such a major need?  Well, my thinking is all wrong because my $25 won't do much, but my heart and God's economy with $25 will make an eternal impact. Where are we placing our faith? 

Yes, I'm passionate about this and yes I'm telling you that you have a call to answer and it's to the poor.  This is the first time the Church has come together to fight this problem and we're doing it with the Spirit of God and sacrifice.  Join the Live58 movement and tell your friends, family and churches.  Remember, what Jesus said, "I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me water, I was naked and you clothed me, whatever you have done to the least of these you have done for me."   As World Racers, pre, current and post we have a greater responsibility because we've already seen HIM in every country we set foot in and we have no excuse. 

            This is what you need to do next: 

Watch this youtube video on Scott Todd (Founder and CEO of  Live58)  sharing eye-opening truths about extreme global poverty. Isaiah 58 | The poor will NOT Always be with us. If you have a few minutes, here's a quick video on how the Church can step up, and why Jesus did NOT endorse our apathy towards the global poor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uZV90fsoCY  

Then watch this short video on who we are at Live58 and how to get involved. 

                                          http://vimeo.com/27460014

  Our website is http://www.live58.org and you can click on the global action tour (12 countries, 12 months, 12 projects-sound familiar?) and sign up for a fast of your choice and watch your contribution change lives. What are you waiting for? He's already given us all we NEED.  Make the investment people have made in you worth it with giving right back to HIM, because being used by God should never make you feel useless. Take it from me it's only true when you see the talent He's called you to invest in is your experience.  Make a wise investment that will make a difference now and for eternity and remember WE WIN THIS THING!!!!!!!

Join the movement at Live58!!!!

S.O.S.

I'm sending out an S.O.S. to all of those that have read my last blog (Orphan to Daughter) about Swaziland

Here is the latest update.

As of today, June 23, 2011 our team is not yet fully funded.  Our team consists of the director, producer, writer, myself, and two awesome men of God. Our final deadline is tomorrow for the money to come in to purchase flights for a July 1^st departure date. We're standing on the promises of God, praying, fasting, asking and meeting with investors. Miracles of provision have been happening little by little for the members of our seven-person team, but we still need people to pray and help us get to Swaziland and document this story.

Today, I got $500 donated and this amount is going to be tripled through a matching grant but that money won't be disbursed until September. So I still need $2500 by tomorrow to purchase my flight and join the Liquid Worldwide Team as the Project coordinator on the ground in Swaziland. I will be helping with logistics for the crew and team. I will also be serving the producer with organizing the supplies we pass out and anything else she needs.  I will be meeting with people that will help start SavetheOne in Swaziland, which is beyond amazing. We will start the groundwork to see this campaign get started in Swaziland.

I believe God can do anything and I'm praying for His will above all else. Please join me in prayer for increased faith, favor and provision. We all are united to see this country saved, and redeemed for His kingdom. You can help by giving by just going to the projects website (www.nnlfilm.com) and clicking on donate and put in my full name. All the donations will go to me so I can  serve on this project. If you or someone you know can give a buddy pass for a flight that would be so rad too. Please stand with us as we believe God for the impossible in the 11^th hour!!

C'mon Jesus!!!

Thank you...to everyone that loves, supports and prays for me.. I love, support and bless you back!!!

My email is Birkleigh@gmail.com

Where do I even begin?

I got home from G42 on April 1^st and the Lord has been quite literally blowing my mind with His extravagant love. The biggest miracle yet, is that...

I am no longer an orphan, I am a daughter!!!

While I was in Spain, He set me free of the remnants of rejection, rebellion and selfishness. He humbled me and wooed me with His love. My identity is firmly rooted in being His daughter, and He shows me everyday how much He loves me and I love Him back.

 I have to spread the Spirit of God through this blog, because He's sooooo good!

When I arrived home to Los Angeles, I had my dreams, my desires and my hopes. I was filled up and ready to serve and love. I was welcomed into a loving home of women and right back into community that I thank God for everyday!

I started looking for work immediately and going through the process of emailing, phone calls, interviews and job applications. I worked hard for two weeks and got an awesome job! I mean, I couldn't have prepared a better job to walk into. I will be working at a fitness kids camp teaching and influencing...their sweet little lives. I start training this weekend and will start work in July. I'll work from 9-5, m-f on the beach with the kids, so it's going to be exhausting but so rewarding. Praise God!!!

Soon after I got the job and while I was planning on moving into an apartment in Santa Monica, I got a phone call. It was from my neighbor and friend, Briana. She had been offered a job working in the Hamptons for the summer, and God laid me on her heart and she asked if I wanted to move into her room while she was gone. We worked out the kinks and we were able to help each other out. I help her with her rent, she gives me her place and I am borrowing her car. It was clearly a blessing from heaven and more than I expected for this season. I went from sharing a room, riding the bus and not having a job to having my own room for the first time in 2 years. I am able to drive her car without a car payment which enables me to work and serve here everyday! The Lord has faithfully provided all that I need through promotional jobs with different marketing companies, working for my friend Lory Ishii who is a lawyer and then the kid's camp job in July.

That is really just icing on the cake, cause during all of this unfolding, the Lord was beautifully orchestrating people in my life. In the past 2 ½ months, I have seen more miracles, answers to prayers, transformation of hearts and freedom then ever before. I'm on my face almost every day in complete awe of God. He has provided such an epic community of men and women of God, that I just can't even thank Him enough. We meet almost everyday to pray, prophesy and encourage each other. We are knit together and truly like the church in Acts 2, where it says that:

Everyone around was in awe-all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met.

They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.

That is pretty much the community God is providing for me here, and it's expanding more and more. We root each other on, we share common vision for revival here in L.A. and we are serving each other's dreams. I love cooking for my friends and seeing the Spirit of God bond us together. I have been transformed since G42 in Spain.  The Lord has changed my heart to a heart of a wife and mother because for the first time, I'm living as a daughter of the King and see my role in the Body.  Praise Jesus that I see people through His eyes, and that I want to nurture, help and activate people to be all who God's created them to be.

He's filled me with so much joy and I spread it all over L.A.  I have people asking me "why are you so happy?" I get to tell them all about the love of Jesus and then I just end up praying for them. I love loving Him, and His people. One of the ways God has set me free is in the area of false identity. I used to hide behind masks to just people please. I didn't love myself so I tried to be everything that I wasn't. Now, I love the person God created me to be, and I'm so grateful to be free and forgiven. Now I can see through to people's hearts, and I want to love them unconditionally. My favorite life verse is in Luke 7, where Jesus forgave the woman that washed his feet with her tears. He said of her, "for she has been forgiven much, so she loves much." I will live my life loving extravagantly, because He has loved me.

While I was in Spain, God gave me a vision for a house of women that would minister to other women through discipleship, prayer and hospitality. I knew the Lord was going to provide, so all I had to do was pray and believe. I did that faithfully and would share the vision with whomever God wanted me to.  About two weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends Kasey, and she said, "I know this is going to sound weird, but I think you're supposed to be my roommate." I didn't think it was weird at all, and realized it was totally a God moment. She began to share with me that there is a mansion up in Malibu that is going to be used for ministry, so of course we scream, laugh and pray. A week later we're meeting with the owner who shares his vision and we share ours. We move into the house in mid August and will be discipling Pepperdine girls, having a 24/7 prayer room and I can cook for people. AHHHHHHH!!!!! We will be serving the community, and believing God for revival in Malibu that pours down to L.A. The rehab houses, AA meetings, suicide and depression will be gone in Jesus name! Our house will be a house of prayer, worship, healing and hospitality. Kasey and I are praying daily into this and believing God is preparing us mightily for the task ahead. We're serving the ministry here, so we will not be paying rent, wow, really God? That's unheard of in L.A. let alone in Malibu. The house is beautiful I see so much happening there that will literally bring healing and revival to people's hearts. This is seriously more than a dream come true!!...I gladly receive, because I freely give!!!

Another one of the ways, God is bringing the dreams He's put into my heart to fruition is.......

SWAZILAND!!!

I was at my Monday night Bible Study about a month ago and I met the owner of the home for the first time and realized she knows people from AIM and is actually shooting a documentary in Swaziland this July. Her name is Elkin and her husband is Bobby. They are beautiful souls!!  Such a divine connection, it was unreal. I shared with her about SAVETHEONE, and the following day we prayed and shared what God was speaking to us. Very quickly the Lord began moving and we were on a call with my mentor Maggie Jaruzel out of Michigan to pray into Swaziland. I knew I was supposed to go on this trip to pray and serve this team. The campaign is called S.O.S and it stands for Steps over Swaziland. We will walk across the country of Swaziland from July 1^st-July 16^th telling peoples stories, seeing orphans adopted and showing the needs that still need to be met. It's a story of hope, not despair. It's a story of redemption, not death. It's a story of adoption, not abandonment. My heart breaks for this country and the people. I know now what it's like to be a daughter and to be known, and it just breaks my heart to know there are people that don't know they are known and loved my God. I am determined that no matter where I am, that I will reveal the Fathers heart to the orphan and they will come to Him. We are in prayer daily for this trip, the team, the country, the support and seeing this country rise from the dead. At this point in the process, I believe God will provide my miles for this trip. I have accumulated about 30,000 miles and I need 60,000 more to get a flight. Please pray and if you can help in that area, I gladly receive. If you want more information about the documentary, team and company that is sponsoring this, please go to www.nnlfilm.com

You can also donate to my trip by clicking on donate and put in my name, Birkleigh Foreman, SOS/Liquid and it's quite easy to give via credit card and mail. Thank you for praying into this with me and for your support!!!

I had to tell my boss Eric who hired me to work the camp, that God was calling me to go. I prayed about and trusted God had my back. He received the email and responded back with a resounding YES, you can definitely come back to work for me on July 18^th. C'mon JESUS!!!

So here I am embarking on the most glorious season of my whole life and I'm not doing it alone. I get to journey alongside amazing women and men of God. I had prayed for God to send me Men of God and to surround me with redemption. He is the God who answers prayers. He has literally surrounded me with so many men of God, that I am assured that He's raising up an army of them and I consider myself kind of like a special ops. The Holy Spirit convicted me that in my heart I was complaining and being negative about what I was seeing in the men in my life.

The Lord told me to lay down this attitude and adopt an attitude of HOPE and PRAYER. He said, you're going to see change, transformation and your prayers answered if you start praying for these men, your future husband, brothers, Dad, and friends, period. I repented and then got all warrior Spirit on the situation. I haven't prayed harder for this generation and men in my life. I'm set free and I'm determined to set other people free with the Spirit of God, the joy, and the hope that is in me. I'm not going to let despair, hopelessness, temptation steal any of these men of God from our lives. Join me in praying for revival for L.A. and for this country. Pray for the campaign S.O.S. in Swaziland. It starts with the revival in our hearts, being faithful with a little, and seeing everyONE the way God does.

Fully Loved

Called with a Unique Purpose

Beautiful

Sons and Daughters

Forgiven

Set Apart

Valuable

the ONE

In order to tell you the dream I have to tell you the story.

This all began with a woman that changed my life. A woman that led me to Christ 12 years ago on my first mission trip to Jamaica. Through her example and love, I learned about the ONE.

She taught me that each person matters to God and that God will call you and me to love the ONE. He will even call you to a country to adopt the ONE. That is what Maggie Jaruzel, the woman that invested in me did. She went to Jamaica over 13 years ago and met a street kid named O' Neil that her heart broke for, and she made a decision then that she was adopting him. She adopted him into her heart, her pocketbook and now years later he will be coming to the United States to live.  Maggie has provided him with food, clothes, schooling and shelter but most of all, she gave him Jesus. Now, O'Neil at 18 years old wants to be like his mom Maggie and tell others about Jesus and see his country transformed with God's love. Please pray for a continued miracle for O'Neil to be here in the states. 

Maggie told me about the World Race in April of 2009 and I went in August 2009 with the plan to love the ONE each month.  I also had a vision to begin telling people's stories through documentaries, and knew that the World Race would be just the beginning of that. My background for many years had been in acting for film and television and performing on stage, and the new desire to tell people's stories became a bigger dream. I would pray each month that God would give me someone to invest in, pray for and love. He always did and I eagerly shared their stories through my blogs and videos. 

I wasn't satisfied with just doing The World Race and going back home to Los Angeles to pursue acting, so I boarded a plane to Spain.  I began G42 in October of 2010 and still had a dream to shoot documentaries.  My first month at G42, Seth Barnes came to speak, and we discussed how the World Race could be improved. We were brainstorming which brought about the idea of having an entity of the World Race that would be called "The Ministry of ONE." It would be an initiative that would support and enable racers to adopt the ONE they meet while on the field. Young people would live sacrificially even after the race by becoming mothers and fathers of this generation, adopting the orphan. We were greatly encouraged by the example that Maggie modeled with O'Neil. We discussed the possibility of starting it and didn't revisit it again.  I continued praying and planning for post G42 and got to a point recently where I just laid all my dreams down, and said "God, I want you to have full control, make it yours."  Soon after that prayer, in the middle of February 2011, I received an email from Maggie asking me if I had a large sum of money to give to AIM, what department would I give it to?  She asked me to pray about it and get back to her. Immediately the Lord spoke to me, "The Ministry of ONE."

I waited a week to respond to Maggie and called to tell her the answer.  It was perfect timing when we talked because the Lord had been setting us up. As I began telling her about the "Ministry of ONE," I could hear her crying and just saying, "JESUS, JESUS." "This is confirmation Birkleigh, this is what God has been speaking to me and he asked me to contact you because you will know where the money should go to.  I also talked with church and shared my vision to start adopting children." As we talked and shared more, the Spirit of God was so strong and she got the name of a friend of hers that works for a company that invests financially in people's kingdom dreams. "Maybe I should tell him about what you want to do, that you want to document peoples stories around the world." I begin to cry because that's all I've wanted to do for the past 2 years, and God is truly weaving all the pieces together and He's bringing everything full circle. Seth came back to G42 just this past week and I shared with him the most recent news and vision of the ONE. "This is a God thing, Birkleigh and we gotta move forward with this. Just last week I was emailing and sharing my vision to start a t.v. show with stories of racers going back to find the ONE." Well, we both agreed that this truly wasn't a coincidence, and that there are so many stories waiting to be told. God is putting together the team, and providing above and beyond to see His dream come to fruition. There are racers that have already adopted children from the field. Some have moved to the countries to raise the children and others are hearing very specifically from God about adopting the ONE. 

What is so beautiful about this story is that it keeps getting better and better. My dear friend Martha here at G42 has a story of adoption from her World Race. She adopted a young girl named Beatrice that she rescued and financially supported on her race. Tragic circumstances came about most recently and Beatrice passed away. So many lives were effected by this little girl, and it's Martha's heart to see God's redemption in all of this. It's such a powerful testimony of how the Father loves us because He pursues no matter the cost.  Martha also met a young boy named Jombi (read his story) in Kenya while on the World Race and her heart broke for him from the moment she saw him. She knew she had to do something, but unfortunately didn't have the means to do so at that time. Now, a year later, Martha will use her practicum money and time post-G42 to go to Kenya to find Jombi. I will travel with her to document the story of finding Jombi, finding the ONE. This is just the beginning of the kingdom dream, of the God "thing" that this is, and I look forward to telling more stories of redemption.  God took my dream to shoot documentaries, and made it so much better, I just had to let Him write the story. There are so many stories to tell and so many children waiting to be rescued, and we're coming for the ONE.

"Who will join us?"

Metamorphosis

New Life

Baptism

Regeneration

What do you think of when you hear these words?

Maybe a butterfly coming out of it's cocoon, or a baby being born. 

A Christian letting the old life wash away and the new begin.

 A plant going through the growth process.

To me these words all represent this season of my life, and the celebration of this season happened on Saturday, February 19^th, 2011. I started my morning with the plan to meet up with Stephanie Fisk, a dear friend of mine here at G42 and we were planning on spending time at the beach and have delicious tapas.

As I was heading down on the bus, I began to ask God how I was going to celebrate this season. He asked me what is your prayer? What is your hearts desire? I thought about it for a moment and said, "Purity."

I want you to purify my heart and make me like a child again, with child-like faith.

I met up with Steph. We had a beautiful conversation over tapas.  Steph shared Psalm 126 where it says, that those who sow in tears, reap in joy. YAY, that's a promise...I'll take that. We talked about how faithful God has been and we encouraged each other.  I was full of peace. We prayed that God's presence would just be with us, so close!

Next, we headed down to the beach, and I had in mind that I wanted to play a worship song.  It was "Til the Ground," by Jason Upton and in the song, the lyrics say that "victory is the groom and purity is the bride." YES!! As we listened to the song, I was gathering the broken shells and putting them in my shoe. It was so simple, yet so profound. As I was gathering them, the Lord was speaking. These broken shells represent your heart, and as you gather them, I gather you. 

Steph and I finished listening to the songs, and I decided to go to the waters edge with my shoe filled with shells to spell out Purity. I began to take the shells out and spell it out. With each placement, more and more peace came. I had deliberately decided to place the shells right at the waters edge so it would take time for the water to wash over them. I spelled out Purity with the shells, and the Lord told me, see, I take all the broken pieces and I make a beautiful masterpiece of my powerful love. That's exactly what I felt, I felt a powerful love overwhelm me. The shoe above the shells spelling out Purity, symbolized that I am walking in purity of heart and mind. What a precious gift that He gives us, a fresh new start and uses our brokenness as beauty. 

As I completed the placement of the shells, I sat back with tears in my eyes and just thanked God for making me new, and asked him to just have the waves wash one time over the shells. I wanted a physical display of what was happening in my heart, and with my emotions. As Steph and I talked about all the symbolism of that moment and how God was speaking, the waves washed over the shells one time. Wow, freedom. You could still see what I created but it was washed over by the power of His love. Perfect.

Before we left, I declared God's deep work in my heart and His endless love for me. I declared that my hearts desire was met that day, but actually before time because He said, it is finished when He died on the cross. He already made provision for my sin long ago, and delights when we forgive ourselves, and let His forgiveness wash over us.

Steph read in Malachi 4,  "But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall." Steph handed me a shell shaped like an angel wing and it represented the healing the Lord has done in me.

Before we left, I asked Him to sweep over the shells one last time with the waves , and cover them completely. He did, and it was the perfect end to the perfect beginning of a new life with Him.  No matter how much our hearts stray away, He's right beside us, loving us right back into His powerful embrace.  Steph and I stood in the cold water and prayed one more time for each other as we stood side by side. OH, JESUS!!!

Steph and I decided to celebrate the celebrating and find a place to get some food.

As we were walking through the streets, we came across a few places but we really wanted a place that felt just right. We saw a sign that said "happy hour" 6-8, 2 for 1 drinks, and a menu of Mexican food. What? The night before her, we both were talking about how we missed Mexican food and would love a margarita. Where do we find that food in Southern Spain? As we were contemplating coming back in an hour, the owner came out and we struck up a conversation, realizing that he was from the states and he got so excited, that he invited us in for a free margarita on him. We were so happy, and even happier when he brought out a bowl of legit chips and salsa. I almost starting crying. I'm easy to please, what can I say? We decided to order a burrito to share and it was only $5.50 euro, so we figured it was an awesome deal.  As that was being prepared, the owner whose name is Nash brought us spinach artichoke dip (AHHH), and it was delicious...Then ordered us another round of margaritas, and let me say, that they were small but tasted so good. He had all the American hot sauces and even jalepenos, and another bowl of chips and salsa. I couldn't believe it. Then he surprised us by bringing an order of shrimp cocktail with real cocktail sauce. All these items I'm describing are simple little things but when you can't get them here, they were a treat for us. I actually started crying because it was so fabulous. I turned to Steph and said, it's like Jesus is serving us here at the bar. I can't afford all this, nor have I done anything to deserve it, but it's given freely.  I feel like the Lord is just giving us this feast for the celebration.

We were  so grateful and thanked Nash over and over. We were amazed by the Lord's simple blessing and received the bill for the dinner. It was only $5.50 for all that food...what?

We paid the bill and left an extra 4 euro and told them we would be back again, and bring our friends. 

The day was coming to a close and Steph and I were feeling full, content and grateful. I went home believing, I truly am regenerated, made new, walking in purity and my child-like faith is restored. I feel different. I think different. I see Him in everything now. 

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God."

580 dollars, what?  The agent told me it would be a $175 change fee when I called in November. No, no...that's not accurate Miss Foreman, sorry. This is the only thing I can find. Can you look at different dates to fly home, how about April instead of March, what about a different city? Sorry, that's more expensive. This is what you have to pay and you better book it soon, because these fares could go up.

This is a conversation that started with the United ticket agents last Friday night.....and continued through the weekend.  

So, there's no other option? There's nothing else you can do...?

 No, these are your options. 

I got off the phone feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.

 I got on skype with my friend Doug and he gave me his united number which I decided to call the following day. I thought, maybe calling a different department will give me a better outcome. It's worth a try...

The following day, I woke up anxious....journaled a lot and felt stressed. Your word says, don't be anxious for anything, but pray. I'm doing that and I still feel anxious...I can't do this anymore. I hate not having money. I hate everything being so difficult. I just want to fly home and not have to fight this...please help me God!

I feel tapped, God. Just stretched so thin. I can't live as a missionary anymore. I WANT TO BE NORMAL....

I don't know how to just be normal again, but why do I have to everything be so epic? Where I live, what I do, where I go and the vision I have? Is that you or me?

I just want to live in my bathing suit, live where it's hot, learn how to surf, have a dog and be in love...it just sounds so simple.

What about the oppressed, Birkleigh? I know, God...I know, I can't get them out of my head even if I try. I want to just stay home today, and just be alone, quiet and have you figure out my life for me. I want to stop so I can figure it out better. Go love the oppressed, Birkleigh.

I don't even know how to love myself well.  Be still, I will teach you, through loving them.

So I got on a bus to Fuengirola ( a bigger city near us)

And then got on a train with 9 others from G42 and we headed to Guadalhorce in Andalucia, Spain..

I got off the train and felt blah. I knew what was expected of me, but I felt ill-equipped for the mission ahead.

Love the women on the street.  

After a short pow-wow, prayer time and breaking up into teams, I set out with John and Kate. We were walking the streets handing out flowers and giving cookies to the girls. Praying along the way we meet girl after girl. Romanian girls, then the Nigerian girls who willingly let us pray for them and speak God's truth into their lives. Then Bulgarian girls. and a Brazilian woman...who invited us into her home!

There names are Beautiful. Redeemed. Chosen. Purified. Queens. Beloved.

Moments were flying by and so were my anxieties, questions and apathy. My mind was focused on loving and serving them, and my heart was full.

We're working on a solution for you girls. You're not forgotten. We come here every week. Will you be here in this area next week? 

This is what I told them....

Let's meet for coffee. Would you want to? Yes, please, one Nigerian woman said.

Girl after girl stood on the streets whistling and waving down cars. Most passed them by, some stopped, and all of them hate their jobs!

I left after talking to the girls and I was feeling peace for the first time. Peace because I know He loves them, and we loved them too. I didn't feel discouraged that we couldn't rescue them right then and there, because I introduced them to Christ and that is hope, unconditional love and mercy. We are praying for and with them, we are going out, we are speaking truth and we are working on a solution. Change is coming!!!

I believe!

I arrived home and knew that I had to call United again to sort out my flight home...

$3500 for a one way ticket....You've got to be kidding me, so there's nothing you can do?

The lady puts me on hold....

Now it's time for inner dialogue.....and waiting time.

I'll look on facebook...oh, awesome, another friend of mine is engaged! I'm happy and feeling like crap again...when will this feeling go away? AHHHH

Eekk...my ex-boyfriends on my sidebar as a friend, I never go on his page...I wonder what he changed his profile picture too. I shouldn't go on his page, it never makes me feel better. It's like looking through all my friends engagement photos when I'm single...happy at first, and then soon I feel like poo. Ah, while I'm waiting, I'll just check...okay, theory was correct, I shouldn't go on here, it doesn't ever make me feel better.

Healing takes time, Beloved.

The United agent is back on the phone, okay... so it's going to be...

$1480 for you to change your ticket. Sorry, that's all I can do...how do you want to pay? I don't have this money. I'm in school and I'm a missionary and I can't work in Spain. I give her my reasons, and she is frustrated!  I'm sorry, I just don't have that.

Ah, the discouraging thoughts came back which included.. all my friends getting engaged thought, now ex-boyfriend rejection is knocking at my door...I can't take it. I'm going to break! Here we go, I'm crying on the phone with an United Agent and I don't even know her name...I know she's talking to me, but the words aren't processing. Everything else is bombarding me instead. I'm having a legitimate breakdown on the phone with a stranger.

She hears me crying and tells me to hold on, she's going to check another thing and get back to me. I wait. I cry.

She comes back and says in a impatient voice, can you do $360? Yes, I can..and without looking at my bank account I just said yes. I was afraid she was going to hang up on me if I argued this down. It was the best price I heard...She started calming me down and explaining how she has a 27 year old daughter and that she's happy to help me. Wow, what a change in attitude. 

I was grateful and tired....and we hung up after securing my flight home to the L.A. on March 31^st. It was a miracle of all miracles with an airline. I sighed with relief and talked with my buddy Doug one more time to thank him...I said, Doug, I think I'm just burnt out, bro! I am just burnt out on support raising and being a missionary. I hate to admit it but it's freeing to say that I'm looking forward to life back in states. I'm looking forward to working, having roots and consistency. I really can't wait!!

He listened. He gave advice and we hung up..

Then I talked with my homegirl Daina and told her that I was loosing my

bubble bility which means that I'm stretched thin, about to break and feeling stale...with my love for this life, of being transient, not having roots and not having steady income. We laughed. She understood. It was good...I told her,

I've got a migraine from crying and I've gotta go...love you!

I'm arrive home and try to sleep..

 It's 130 a.m. and so many thoughts are running through my head. I'm relieved and grateful for my flight home but I don't have any answers.  There are no new developments in the plan, but I feel different. I feel real. I feel like I bleed red and not super hero blue! I'm not a superhero missionary that blows everyone away by her epic endeavors. I'm Birkleigh and I want to be normal today, and maybe tomorrow too...I am going to love people in the midst of my inability to peforrm. I want to just be me, but I'm impatient with finding who me is..and I get frustrated with my weaknesses and I just want to get it right all the time! 

My love is enough for you, Birkleigh

I leave Spain in a month, and I embark on a journey where I don't know the destination, how I'm getting there or even who I am fully but I'm moving forward. I have  scarred wings, but I can still fly. I fly with a full heart still healing, still battling insecurity but confident that I'm not afraid to say I want to be normal, because my normal may be God's extraordinary.

My head is pounding from crying my eyes out...at a café in Spain talking to a United Agent...about a flight I made while leaving L.A. hoping to return for Christmas to spend time with a boy-friend that became my ex 2 days before departing the U.S...Crazy how quickly life's turns take us. 

If it wasn't for that flight and the drama that followed, I wouldn't have come to a place of asking once again, is it really worth giving up control to fully trust you, God.? Yes, it's worth it, even if I don't know the outcome. He provides everything I need and when I choose to pray and love, he takes the anxiety away. The questions remain, but they fuel the fire in my heart for something more and keeps me from not settling for anything less than God's best in my life even if it's normal, ( and I can't quite define my normal yet).

Peace, I give to you, Birkleigh!