S.O.S.

I'm sending out an S.O.S. to all of those that have read my last blog (Orphan to Daughter) about Swaziland

Here is the latest update.

As of today, June 23, 2011 our team is not yet fully funded.  Our team consists of the director, producer, writer, myself, and two awesome men of God. Our final deadline is tomorrow for the money to come in to purchase flights for a July 1^st departure date. We're standing on the promises of God, praying, fasting, asking and meeting with investors. Miracles of provision have been happening little by little for the members of our seven-person team, but we still need people to pray and help us get to Swaziland and document this story.

Today, I got $500 donated and this amount is going to be tripled through a matching grant but that money won't be disbursed until September. So I still need $2500 by tomorrow to purchase my flight and join the Liquid Worldwide Team as the Project coordinator on the ground in Swaziland. I will be helping with logistics for the crew and team. I will also be serving the producer with organizing the supplies we pass out and anything else she needs.  I will be meeting with people that will help start SavetheOne in Swaziland, which is beyond amazing. We will start the groundwork to see this campaign get started in Swaziland.

I believe God can do anything and I'm praying for His will above all else. Please join me in prayer for increased faith, favor and provision. We all are united to see this country saved, and redeemed for His kingdom. You can help by giving by just going to the projects website (www.nnlfilm.com) and clicking on donate and put in my full name. All the donations will go to me so I can  serve on this project. If you or someone you know can give a buddy pass for a flight that would be so rad too. Please stand with us as we believe God for the impossible in the 11^th hour!!

C'mon Jesus!!!

Thank you...to everyone that loves, supports and prays for me.. I love, support and bless you back!!!

My email is Birkleigh@gmail.com

Where do I even begin?

I got home from G42 on April 1^st and the Lord has been quite literally blowing my mind with His extravagant love. The biggest miracle yet, is that...

I am no longer an orphan, I am a daughter!!!

While I was in Spain, He set me free of the remnants of rejection, rebellion and selfishness. He humbled me and wooed me with His love. My identity is firmly rooted in being His daughter, and He shows me everyday how much He loves me and I love Him back.

 I have to spread the Spirit of God through this blog, because He's sooooo good!

When I arrived home to Los Angeles, I had my dreams, my desires and my hopes. I was filled up and ready to serve and love. I was welcomed into a loving home of women and right back into community that I thank God for everyday!

I started looking for work immediately and going through the process of emailing, phone calls, interviews and job applications. I worked hard for two weeks and got an awesome job! I mean, I couldn't have prepared a better job to walk into. I will be working at a fitness kids camp teaching and influencing...their sweet little lives. I start training this weekend and will start work in July. I'll work from 9-5, m-f on the beach with the kids, so it's going to be exhausting but so rewarding. Praise God!!!

Soon after I got the job and while I was planning on moving into an apartment in Santa Monica, I got a phone call. It was from my neighbor and friend, Briana. She had been offered a job working in the Hamptons for the summer, and God laid me on her heart and she asked if I wanted to move into her room while she was gone. We worked out the kinks and we were able to help each other out. I help her with her rent, she gives me her place and I am borrowing her car. It was clearly a blessing from heaven and more than I expected for this season. I went from sharing a room, riding the bus and not having a job to having my own room for the first time in 2 years. I am able to drive her car without a car payment which enables me to work and serve here everyday! The Lord has faithfully provided all that I need through promotional jobs with different marketing companies, working for my friend Lory Ishii who is a lawyer and then the kid's camp job in July.

That is really just icing on the cake, cause during all of this unfolding, the Lord was beautifully orchestrating people in my life. In the past 2 ½ months, I have seen more miracles, answers to prayers, transformation of hearts and freedom then ever before. I'm on my face almost every day in complete awe of God. He has provided such an epic community of men and women of God, that I just can't even thank Him enough. We meet almost everyday to pray, prophesy and encourage each other. We are knit together and truly like the church in Acts 2, where it says that:

Everyone around was in awe-all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met.

They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.

That is pretty much the community God is providing for me here, and it's expanding more and more. We root each other on, we share common vision for revival here in L.A. and we are serving each other's dreams. I love cooking for my friends and seeing the Spirit of God bond us together. I have been transformed since G42 in Spain.  The Lord has changed my heart to a heart of a wife and mother because for the first time, I'm living as a daughter of the King and see my role in the Body.  Praise Jesus that I see people through His eyes, and that I want to nurture, help and activate people to be all who God's created them to be.

He's filled me with so much joy and I spread it all over L.A.  I have people asking me "why are you so happy?" I get to tell them all about the love of Jesus and then I just end up praying for them. I love loving Him, and His people. One of the ways God has set me free is in the area of false identity. I used to hide behind masks to just people please. I didn't love myself so I tried to be everything that I wasn't. Now, I love the person God created me to be, and I'm so grateful to be free and forgiven. Now I can see through to people's hearts, and I want to love them unconditionally. My favorite life verse is in Luke 7, where Jesus forgave the woman that washed his feet with her tears. He said of her, "for she has been forgiven much, so she loves much." I will live my life loving extravagantly, because He has loved me.

While I was in Spain, God gave me a vision for a house of women that would minister to other women through discipleship, prayer and hospitality. I knew the Lord was going to provide, so all I had to do was pray and believe. I did that faithfully and would share the vision with whomever God wanted me to.  About two weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends Kasey, and she said, "I know this is going to sound weird, but I think you're supposed to be my roommate." I didn't think it was weird at all, and realized it was totally a God moment. She began to share with me that there is a mansion up in Malibu that is going to be used for ministry, so of course we scream, laugh and pray. A week later we're meeting with the owner who shares his vision and we share ours. We move into the house in mid August and will be discipling Pepperdine girls, having a 24/7 prayer room and I can cook for people. AHHHHHHH!!!!! We will be serving the community, and believing God for revival in Malibu that pours down to L.A. The rehab houses, AA meetings, suicide and depression will be gone in Jesus name! Our house will be a house of prayer, worship, healing and hospitality. Kasey and I are praying daily into this and believing God is preparing us mightily for the task ahead. We're serving the ministry here, so we will not be paying rent, wow, really God? That's unheard of in L.A. let alone in Malibu. The house is beautiful I see so much happening there that will literally bring healing and revival to people's hearts. This is seriously more than a dream come true!!...I gladly receive, because I freely give!!!

Another one of the ways, God is bringing the dreams He's put into my heart to fruition is.......

SWAZILAND!!!

I was at my Monday night Bible Study about a month ago and I met the owner of the home for the first time and realized she knows people from AIM and is actually shooting a documentary in Swaziland this July. Her name is Elkin and her husband is Bobby. They are beautiful souls!!  Such a divine connection, it was unreal. I shared with her about SAVETHEONE, and the following day we prayed and shared what God was speaking to us. Very quickly the Lord began moving and we were on a call with my mentor Maggie Jaruzel out of Michigan to pray into Swaziland. I knew I was supposed to go on this trip to pray and serve this team. The campaign is called S.O.S and it stands for Steps over Swaziland. We will walk across the country of Swaziland from July 1^st-July 16^th telling peoples stories, seeing orphans adopted and showing the needs that still need to be met. It's a story of hope, not despair. It's a story of redemption, not death. It's a story of adoption, not abandonment. My heart breaks for this country and the people. I know now what it's like to be a daughter and to be known, and it just breaks my heart to know there are people that don't know they are known and loved my God. I am determined that no matter where I am, that I will reveal the Fathers heart to the orphan and they will come to Him. We are in prayer daily for this trip, the team, the country, the support and seeing this country rise from the dead. At this point in the process, I believe God will provide my miles for this trip. I have accumulated about 30,000 miles and I need 60,000 more to get a flight. Please pray and if you can help in that area, I gladly receive. If you want more information about the documentary, team and company that is sponsoring this, please go to www.nnlfilm.com

You can also donate to my trip by clicking on donate and put in my name, Birkleigh Foreman, SOS/Liquid and it's quite easy to give via credit card and mail. Thank you for praying into this with me and for your support!!!

I had to tell my boss Eric who hired me to work the camp, that God was calling me to go. I prayed about and trusted God had my back. He received the email and responded back with a resounding YES, you can definitely come back to work for me on July 18^th. C'mon JESUS!!!

So here I am embarking on the most glorious season of my whole life and I'm not doing it alone. I get to journey alongside amazing women and men of God. I had prayed for God to send me Men of God and to surround me with redemption. He is the God who answers prayers. He has literally surrounded me with so many men of God, that I am assured that He's raising up an army of them and I consider myself kind of like a special ops. The Holy Spirit convicted me that in my heart I was complaining and being negative about what I was seeing in the men in my life.

The Lord told me to lay down this attitude and adopt an attitude of HOPE and PRAYER. He said, you're going to see change, transformation and your prayers answered if you start praying for these men, your future husband, brothers, Dad, and friends, period. I repented and then got all warrior Spirit on the situation. I haven't prayed harder for this generation and men in my life. I'm set free and I'm determined to set other people free with the Spirit of God, the joy, and the hope that is in me. I'm not going to let despair, hopelessness, temptation steal any of these men of God from our lives. Join me in praying for revival for L.A. and for this country. Pray for the campaign S.O.S. in Swaziland. It starts with the revival in our hearts, being faithful with a little, and seeing everyONE the way God does.

Fully Loved

Called with a Unique Purpose

Beautiful

Sons and Daughters

Forgiven

Set Apart

Valuable

the ONE

In order to tell you the dream I have to tell you the story.

This all began with a woman that changed my life. A woman that led me to Christ 12 years ago on my first mission trip to Jamaica. Through her example and love, I learned about the ONE.

She taught me that each person matters to God and that God will call you and me to love the ONE. He will even call you to a country to adopt the ONE. That is what Maggie Jaruzel, the woman that invested in me did. She went to Jamaica over 13 years ago and met a street kid named O' Neil that her heart broke for, and she made a decision then that she was adopting him. She adopted him into her heart, her pocketbook and now years later he will be coming to the United States to live.  Maggie has provided him with food, clothes, schooling and shelter but most of all, she gave him Jesus. Now, O'Neil at 18 years old wants to be like his mom Maggie and tell others about Jesus and see his country transformed with God's love. Please pray for a continued miracle for O'Neil to be here in the states. 

Maggie told me about the World Race in April of 2009 and I went in August 2009 with the plan to love the ONE each month.  I also had a vision to begin telling people's stories through documentaries, and knew that the World Race would be just the beginning of that. My background for many years had been in acting for film and television and performing on stage, and the new desire to tell people's stories became a bigger dream. I would pray each month that God would give me someone to invest in, pray for and love. He always did and I eagerly shared their stories through my blogs and videos. 

I wasn't satisfied with just doing The World Race and going back home to Los Angeles to pursue acting, so I boarded a plane to Spain.  I began G42 in October of 2010 and still had a dream to shoot documentaries.  My first month at G42, Seth Barnes came to speak, and we discussed how the World Race could be improved. We were brainstorming which brought about the idea of having an entity of the World Race that would be called "The Ministry of ONE." It would be an initiative that would support and enable racers to adopt the ONE they meet while on the field. Young people would live sacrificially even after the race by becoming mothers and fathers of this generation, adopting the orphan. We were greatly encouraged by the example that Maggie modeled with O'Neil. We discussed the possibility of starting it and didn't revisit it again.  I continued praying and planning for post G42 and got to a point recently where I just laid all my dreams down, and said "God, I want you to have full control, make it yours."  Soon after that prayer, in the middle of February 2011, I received an email from Maggie asking me if I had a large sum of money to give to AIM, what department would I give it to?  She asked me to pray about it and get back to her. Immediately the Lord spoke to me, "The Ministry of ONE."

I waited a week to respond to Maggie and called to tell her the answer.  It was perfect timing when we talked because the Lord had been setting us up. As I began telling her about the "Ministry of ONE," I could hear her crying and just saying, "JESUS, JESUS." "This is confirmation Birkleigh, this is what God has been speaking to me and he asked me to contact you because you will know where the money should go to.  I also talked with church and shared my vision to start adopting children." As we talked and shared more, the Spirit of God was so strong and she got the name of a friend of hers that works for a company that invests financially in people's kingdom dreams. "Maybe I should tell him about what you want to do, that you want to document peoples stories around the world." I begin to cry because that's all I've wanted to do for the past 2 years, and God is truly weaving all the pieces together and He's bringing everything full circle. Seth came back to G42 just this past week and I shared with him the most recent news and vision of the ONE. "This is a God thing, Birkleigh and we gotta move forward with this. Just last week I was emailing and sharing my vision to start a t.v. show with stories of racers going back to find the ONE." Well, we both agreed that this truly wasn't a coincidence, and that there are so many stories waiting to be told. God is putting together the team, and providing above and beyond to see His dream come to fruition. There are racers that have already adopted children from the field. Some have moved to the countries to raise the children and others are hearing very specifically from God about adopting the ONE. 

What is so beautiful about this story is that it keeps getting better and better. My dear friend Martha here at G42 has a story of adoption from her World Race. She adopted a young girl named Beatrice that she rescued and financially supported on her race. Tragic circumstances came about most recently and Beatrice passed away. So many lives were effected by this little girl, and it's Martha's heart to see God's redemption in all of this. It's such a powerful testimony of how the Father loves us because He pursues no matter the cost.  Martha also met a young boy named Jombi (read his story) in Kenya while on the World Race and her heart broke for him from the moment she saw him. She knew she had to do something, but unfortunately didn't have the means to do so at that time. Now, a year later, Martha will use her practicum money and time post-G42 to go to Kenya to find Jombi. I will travel with her to document the story of finding Jombi, finding the ONE. This is just the beginning of the kingdom dream, of the God "thing" that this is, and I look forward to telling more stories of redemption.  God took my dream to shoot documentaries, and made it so much better, I just had to let Him write the story. There are so many stories to tell and so many children waiting to be rescued, and we're coming for the ONE.

"Who will join us?"

Metamorphosis

New Life

Baptism

Regeneration

What do you think of when you hear these words?

Maybe a butterfly coming out of it's cocoon, or a baby being born. 

A Christian letting the old life wash away and the new begin.

 A plant going through the growth process.

To me these words all represent this season of my life, and the celebration of this season happened on Saturday, February 19^th, 2011. I started my morning with the plan to meet up with Stephanie Fisk, a dear friend of mine here at G42 and we were planning on spending time at the beach and have delicious tapas.

As I was heading down on the bus, I began to ask God how I was going to celebrate this season. He asked me what is your prayer? What is your hearts desire? I thought about it for a moment and said, "Purity."

I want you to purify my heart and make me like a child again, with child-like faith.

I met up with Steph. We had a beautiful conversation over tapas.  Steph shared Psalm 126 where it says, that those who sow in tears, reap in joy. YAY, that's a promise...I'll take that. We talked about how faithful God has been and we encouraged each other.  I was full of peace. We prayed that God's presence would just be with us, so close!

Next, we headed down to the beach, and I had in mind that I wanted to play a worship song.  It was "Til the Ground," by Jason Upton and in the song, the lyrics say that "victory is the groom and purity is the bride." YES!! As we listened to the song, I was gathering the broken shells and putting them in my shoe. It was so simple, yet so profound. As I was gathering them, the Lord was speaking. These broken shells represent your heart, and as you gather them, I gather you. 

Steph and I finished listening to the songs, and I decided to go to the waters edge with my shoe filled with shells to spell out Purity. I began to take the shells out and spell it out. With each placement, more and more peace came. I had deliberately decided to place the shells right at the waters edge so it would take time for the water to wash over them. I spelled out Purity with the shells, and the Lord told me, see, I take all the broken pieces and I make a beautiful masterpiece of my powerful love. That's exactly what I felt, I felt a powerful love overwhelm me. The shoe above the shells spelling out Purity, symbolized that I am walking in purity of heart and mind. What a precious gift that He gives us, a fresh new start and uses our brokenness as beauty. 

As I completed the placement of the shells, I sat back with tears in my eyes and just thanked God for making me new, and asked him to just have the waves wash one time over the shells. I wanted a physical display of what was happening in my heart, and with my emotions. As Steph and I talked about all the symbolism of that moment and how God was speaking, the waves washed over the shells one time. Wow, freedom. You could still see what I created but it was washed over by the power of His love. Perfect.

Before we left, I declared God's deep work in my heart and His endless love for me. I declared that my hearts desire was met that day, but actually before time because He said, it is finished when He died on the cross. He already made provision for my sin long ago, and delights when we forgive ourselves, and let His forgiveness wash over us.

Steph read in Malachi 4,  "But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall." Steph handed me a shell shaped like an angel wing and it represented the healing the Lord has done in me.

Before we left, I asked Him to sweep over the shells one last time with the waves , and cover them completely. He did, and it was the perfect end to the perfect beginning of a new life with Him.  No matter how much our hearts stray away, He's right beside us, loving us right back into His powerful embrace.  Steph and I stood in the cold water and prayed one more time for each other as we stood side by side. OH, JESUS!!!

Steph and I decided to celebrate the celebrating and find a place to get some food.

As we were walking through the streets, we came across a few places but we really wanted a place that felt just right. We saw a sign that said "happy hour" 6-8, 2 for 1 drinks, and a menu of Mexican food. What? The night before her, we both were talking about how we missed Mexican food and would love a margarita. Where do we find that food in Southern Spain? As we were contemplating coming back in an hour, the owner came out and we struck up a conversation, realizing that he was from the states and he got so excited, that he invited us in for a free margarita on him. We were so happy, and even happier when he brought out a bowl of legit chips and salsa. I almost starting crying. I'm easy to please, what can I say? We decided to order a burrito to share and it was only $5.50 euro, so we figured it was an awesome deal.  As that was being prepared, the owner whose name is Nash brought us spinach artichoke dip (AHHH), and it was delicious...Then ordered us another round of margaritas, and let me say, that they were small but tasted so good. He had all the American hot sauces and even jalepenos, and another bowl of chips and salsa. I couldn't believe it. Then he surprised us by bringing an order of shrimp cocktail with real cocktail sauce. All these items I'm describing are simple little things but when you can't get them here, they were a treat for us. I actually started crying because it was so fabulous. I turned to Steph and said, it's like Jesus is serving us here at the bar. I can't afford all this, nor have I done anything to deserve it, but it's given freely.  I feel like the Lord is just giving us this feast for the celebration.

We were  so grateful and thanked Nash over and over. We were amazed by the Lord's simple blessing and received the bill for the dinner. It was only $5.50 for all that food...what?

We paid the bill and left an extra 4 euro and told them we would be back again, and bring our friends. 

The day was coming to a close and Steph and I were feeling full, content and grateful. I went home believing, I truly am regenerated, made new, walking in purity and my child-like faith is restored. I feel different. I think different. I see Him in everything now. 

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God."

580 dollars, what?  The agent told me it would be a $175 change fee when I called in November. No, no...that's not accurate Miss Foreman, sorry. This is the only thing I can find. Can you look at different dates to fly home, how about April instead of March, what about a different city? Sorry, that's more expensive. This is what you have to pay and you better book it soon, because these fares could go up.

This is a conversation that started with the United ticket agents last Friday night.....and continued through the weekend.  

So, there's no other option? There's nothing else you can do...?

 No, these are your options. 

I got off the phone feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.

 I got on skype with my friend Doug and he gave me his united number which I decided to call the following day. I thought, maybe calling a different department will give me a better outcome. It's worth a try...

The following day, I woke up anxious....journaled a lot and felt stressed. Your word says, don't be anxious for anything, but pray. I'm doing that and I still feel anxious...I can't do this anymore. I hate not having money. I hate everything being so difficult. I just want to fly home and not have to fight this...please help me God!

I feel tapped, God. Just stretched so thin. I can't live as a missionary anymore. I WANT TO BE NORMAL....

I don't know how to just be normal again, but why do I have to everything be so epic? Where I live, what I do, where I go and the vision I have? Is that you or me?

I just want to live in my bathing suit, live where it's hot, learn how to surf, have a dog and be in love...it just sounds so simple.

What about the oppressed, Birkleigh? I know, God...I know, I can't get them out of my head even if I try. I want to just stay home today, and just be alone, quiet and have you figure out my life for me. I want to stop so I can figure it out better. Go love the oppressed, Birkleigh.

I don't even know how to love myself well.  Be still, I will teach you, through loving them.

So I got on a bus to Fuengirola ( a bigger city near us)

And then got on a train with 9 others from G42 and we headed to Guadalhorce in Andalucia, Spain..

I got off the train and felt blah. I knew what was expected of me, but I felt ill-equipped for the mission ahead.

Love the women on the street.  

After a short pow-wow, prayer time and breaking up into teams, I set out with John and Kate. We were walking the streets handing out flowers and giving cookies to the girls. Praying along the way we meet girl after girl. Romanian girls, then the Nigerian girls who willingly let us pray for them and speak God's truth into their lives. Then Bulgarian girls. and a Brazilian woman...who invited us into her home!

There names are Beautiful. Redeemed. Chosen. Purified. Queens. Beloved.

Moments were flying by and so were my anxieties, questions and apathy. My mind was focused on loving and serving them, and my heart was full.

We're working on a solution for you girls. You're not forgotten. We come here every week. Will you be here in this area next week? 

This is what I told them....

Let's meet for coffee. Would you want to? Yes, please, one Nigerian woman said.

Girl after girl stood on the streets whistling and waving down cars. Most passed them by, some stopped, and all of them hate their jobs!

I left after talking to the girls and I was feeling peace for the first time. Peace because I know He loves them, and we loved them too. I didn't feel discouraged that we couldn't rescue them right then and there, because I introduced them to Christ and that is hope, unconditional love and mercy. We are praying for and with them, we are going out, we are speaking truth and we are working on a solution. Change is coming!!!

I believe!

I arrived home and knew that I had to call United again to sort out my flight home...

$3500 for a one way ticket....You've got to be kidding me, so there's nothing you can do?

The lady puts me on hold....

Now it's time for inner dialogue.....and waiting time.

I'll look on facebook...oh, awesome, another friend of mine is engaged! I'm happy and feeling like crap again...when will this feeling go away? AHHHH

Eekk...my ex-boyfriends on my sidebar as a friend, I never go on his page...I wonder what he changed his profile picture too. I shouldn't go on his page, it never makes me feel better. It's like looking through all my friends engagement photos when I'm single...happy at first, and then soon I feel like poo. Ah, while I'm waiting, I'll just check...okay, theory was correct, I shouldn't go on here, it doesn't ever make me feel better.

Healing takes time, Beloved.

The United agent is back on the phone, okay... so it's going to be...

$1480 for you to change your ticket. Sorry, that's all I can do...how do you want to pay? I don't have this money. I'm in school and I'm a missionary and I can't work in Spain. I give her my reasons, and she is frustrated!  I'm sorry, I just don't have that.

Ah, the discouraging thoughts came back which included.. all my friends getting engaged thought, now ex-boyfriend rejection is knocking at my door...I can't take it. I'm going to break! Here we go, I'm crying on the phone with an United Agent and I don't even know her name...I know she's talking to me, but the words aren't processing. Everything else is bombarding me instead. I'm having a legitimate breakdown on the phone with a stranger.

She hears me crying and tells me to hold on, she's going to check another thing and get back to me. I wait. I cry.

She comes back and says in a impatient voice, can you do $360? Yes, I can..and without looking at my bank account I just said yes. I was afraid she was going to hang up on me if I argued this down. It was the best price I heard...She started calming me down and explaining how she has a 27 year old daughter and that she's happy to help me. Wow, what a change in attitude. 

I was grateful and tired....and we hung up after securing my flight home to the L.A. on March 31^st. It was a miracle of all miracles with an airline. I sighed with relief and talked with my buddy Doug one more time to thank him...I said, Doug, I think I'm just burnt out, bro! I am just burnt out on support raising and being a missionary. I hate to admit it but it's freeing to say that I'm looking forward to life back in states. I'm looking forward to working, having roots and consistency. I really can't wait!!

He listened. He gave advice and we hung up..

Then I talked with my homegirl Daina and told her that I was loosing my

bubble bility which means that I'm stretched thin, about to break and feeling stale...with my love for this life, of being transient, not having roots and not having steady income. We laughed. She understood. It was good...I told her,

I've got a migraine from crying and I've gotta go...love you!

I'm arrive home and try to sleep..

 It's 130 a.m. and so many thoughts are running through my head. I'm relieved and grateful for my flight home but I don't have any answers.  There are no new developments in the plan, but I feel different. I feel real. I feel like I bleed red and not super hero blue! I'm not a superhero missionary that blows everyone away by her epic endeavors. I'm Birkleigh and I want to be normal today, and maybe tomorrow too...I am going to love people in the midst of my inability to peforrm. I want to just be me, but I'm impatient with finding who me is..and I get frustrated with my weaknesses and I just want to get it right all the time! 

My love is enough for you, Birkleigh

I leave Spain in a month, and I embark on a journey where I don't know the destination, how I'm getting there or even who I am fully but I'm moving forward. I have  scarred wings, but I can still fly. I fly with a full heart still healing, still battling insecurity but confident that I'm not afraid to say I want to be normal, because my normal may be God's extraordinary.

My head is pounding from crying my eyes out...at a café in Spain talking to a United Agent...about a flight I made while leaving L.A. hoping to return for Christmas to spend time with a boy-friend that became my ex 2 days before departing the U.S...Crazy how quickly life's turns take us. 

If it wasn't for that flight and the drama that followed, I wouldn't have come to a place of asking once again, is it really worth giving up control to fully trust you, God.? Yes, it's worth it, even if I don't know the outcome. He provides everything I need and when I choose to pray and love, he takes the anxiety away. The questions remain, but they fuel the fire in my heart for something more and keeps me from not settling for anything less than God's best in my life even if it's normal, ( and I can't quite define my normal yet).

Peace, I give to you, Birkleigh! 

Broken-Hearted in God's Will

 Where do I begin?

I'll start by saying I'm obsessed with my life here in Spain.

The beauty

The school

The people

The language

The adventure

The quiet

The hikes

The comfort

The challenge

The joy

 Everyday the story God is writing in my life gets deeper and richer. It's becoming a beautiful revelation of His radical, passionate, outrageous love.

These are my thoughts, things I've been learning and what is happening in my heart. Receive!!! 

I believe that God leads us into pain, struggle and into the wilderness to be tested. It creates a deeper intimacy and desperation for Him, and it reveals what's truly in our hearts. Count me in on that. (I would have never said that before now, but I've learned that anything is worth letting go of to get more Jesus).

If I entrust Him with my life, he will use everything for His purposes. No one will move me, unless God says move. Everything that is wrapped up in Him, is what He has for me. He has His best for me. Even if it doesn't look like it at the time, I need to embrace and believe it because my life is not my own. What He has for me, is the BEST. It might look different from what I thought was best for me. I need to surrender my own will even though I don't understand the circumstance. I need to make a choice to trust him. The wild rough days are the ones I remember. Do I really trust Him? Yes, and the best decision is to truly be the clay in the potters hand. I desire to be moldable. Can I surrender myself to God's will and desire for me?  Yes, and when He reveals the next step I don't need to answer him back with "I'm going to go pray about it." I don't want to tell Him no. I want to have a willing heart so that it doesn't make me lord over my own life.  

He has a purpose in all He does, even if it doesn't turn out the way I envisioned, I have to choose to give Him control. He saw the end from the beginning when He created you and me and He is really obsessed with me becoming the Birkleigh he created me to be. If I can be broken about one person breaking my heart, I want God to take me from that season to a life of brokenness for this generation, and be a deliverer of the brokenhearted. I am seeing Him bring me through the hurt and show me there is so much more for my life. There is so much more to a circumstance. There is a promise fulfilled on the other side and I'm getting after it because I desperately want more. I want to be more like Him, and have more of His heart for this world.

 Glory to Glory

 I am Gods Will wherever I go. I don't need to sit and wonder what's God's will for my life? Am I making the right decision, should I do this? Should I go there? Am I pleasing Him with my life? It's about asking the right questions. Am I bringing God glory with my life? Am I bringing Kingdom wherever I go and are my motives pure? In Isaiah 30, it says "if I turn to the left or the right I will hear a voice behind me saying, "This is the way, walk in it." That means I'm right in front of God's will, and He's rooting for me in this whole thing. If I don't make a decision to move, to go, to stay, to give and to follow then I'm not giving Him much opportunity to hear His voice.  I know I have an adventurous Spirit and walking in God's identity for me is the best way to live. He not only loves me, but He likes me and He really wants me to see myself as He sees me. For me, it's a daily decision to put on truth and throw off the lies. I don't want to live a comfortable life, settling for mediocre when my identity was for challenge, life and extraordinary. I'm no longer on a solo journey to greatness. I'm on an adventure that encompasses my heart, all of me and God's passion for people which is more like Christ than I've ever known.

 I have Big dreams inside of this heart. Dreams that I don't have the step by step to, or all the kinks worked out, but I know they will come to fruition. I was made to dream. I was made to jump, fly and reach farther than I can imagine. I know it requires me to get from where I am to where I need to be. A little sacrifice, prayer, willingness and craving for the impossible is the perfect recipe for living a life beyond this world. Logic, reason, answers and perfect circumstances aren't enough for me. I have to have HIM. I have to have His presence, voice, promises and love to move forward. I have to have His love, the love that frees me to jump, fly and reach farther than my own imagination can take me. So I tell Jesus, "I want to do everything, go everywhere and love everyone." It's broad, big, extravagant and lofty. PERFECT!!! I hear him say, "PERFECT, Beloved."

 So I move forward with confidence that I have everything I need for life and Godliness. I am the very expression of God on Earth. That is the best job qualifications for whatever He has created me to do. I can dream, vision cast, move and touch people's lives all day long, but If I don't know my identity as the object of His affection, than I'm robbing myself and everyone else of JOY. True JOY comes when I know my purpose and walk confidently in it. It's not about me just living my life as I choose, hoping I'll get it right and make a difference. I want to live dangerously, risk everything and LOVE BIG. Nothing and no one will keep me from loving like JESUS. No amount of hurt, pain, disappointment and rejection will change my DNA. I am a daughter of the King. I am beautiful. I am worthy of love 100%, so I will speak truth, walk in my God-given beauty and live my life with no excuses and Love with His Love. His love covers a multitude of SINS. My past is in the past, and my hurt and pain are in the past too. I have to leave them there and go forward with victory, joy and excitement to love again. I was made for it. I was made to LOVE, not made to not. Anything less than that is not my purpose and I'm not even going to waste time with thoughts about me that are not in God's mind. God redeems all of time. He redeems the hurt, the pain, the rejection so I can love like it's new. Am I immune to pain? No, I'm not, but I have the Creator of the universe on my side, so I can do anything!

I'm alive. I'm passionate. My life matters and so does the life of every single human being that has ever lived, lives now and will live. The life I choose is one that I've laid down to pick up the life that He died to give me. That is my story everyday, and I cannot keep silent. I will not keep silent about the love that has transformed my life from destruction and defeat when I had abundance and victory waiting for me in a package wrapped in the blood of Jesus who makes all things new.

Are you broken today? Has your heart been damaged? Are you crying out for more? Are you asking the wrong questions? Well, I pray that this would encourage you to live, to truly live in your identity as God's beloved creation. You are made in His image, and there is so much inside you waiting to burst forth and bring hope, love and peace to a world that is absolutely desperate. 

YOU ARE THE WILL OF GOD!!!

Rest. Trust. Wait.

I'm on my stateside journey to visit friends and family before I fly out to Spain on October 2^nd. This time around I'm not surrounded by World Racers. It's the Holy Spirit and me and we're loving people everywhere we go.  I'm breathing, reflecting and resting while on different modes of transportation. It's great how trains, busses, planes and cabs can be such an opportunity to meditate and move forward spiritually. But I can't help but look back on the past three months and what God has done in, through and around me. I am literally in awe of Him once again. The 3 months I was back in the states after the World Race were beyond amazing. I grew leaps and bounds and saw God's heart for me in ways I'd never experienced before. His hand of provision, pursuing love and passion for my growth got me through victoriously. I am a new woman once again, not forgetting the Lord's blessings.

I have to put him on display, because he truly has lavished His love on me in ways that just make me want to cry and shout. First, I told you about how God provided me with a place to stay with 2 amazing women of God.  Well, we became sisters and fell more in love with Jesus and each other this summer. We served, prayed, loved, cried, broke bread, laughed, danced and pressed into a deeper level of faith in the Lord. It was by far the best summer I've had in L.A., and I attribute it to the community of women that God blessed me with. Our little apartment had so much Spirit and friendship in it, that leaving was not an easy task. 

God's will for me this summer was to rest. He taught me how to cease striving, and seek His rest after a long season of work. He made it very clear He wanted me to trust Him with the details of my life, big and small, so I could just focus on being loved by Him and loving Him back. To my  finite mind, I didn't see how that was enough. We would have conversations that would usually have me asking Him, "shouldn't I being do something, making this happen, or show you I can do it?" He would always say, rest, trust and wait my beloved, so I would. I had always just worked for something, networked and pulled some strings to make a way for myself. I knew that God was doing a new thing and teaching me total dependence by stripping me of all my securities. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but the benefits of trusting Him outweighed the difficulty.

I came home with a new identity and He wanted to show me how to walk that out. I had heard of resting in the Lord, read about it and wanted it but didn't know how to rest. Well, I can say that it's a lot better to rest and let God have control than to strive and hold onto my ways. He gave me a summer of deep friendship, deep faith and deep experiences that I'll never forget. I knew I had a transition of moving to Spain coming, and saw God provide. I literally just trusted Him. I learned how to hear His voice, and trust Him with my future and the people He put in my life.  I was intentional with my time and the people I invested in while I was home, because I knew that God had purpose in me being back in L.A. I saw so much fruit in that, redemption in people's lives and restoration of hearts that were far away from Him. I got to be a part of His story in their lives, and for that I'm so grateful. I honestly don't know any other way to do life, but give it away. I often felt like I didn't have anything left to give after coming home. I definitely didn't have the job, apartment, car, money, and things that were once so much a part of my life. I got over that and just walked in contentment with the season God blessed me with. He showed me my place in the body. It taught me to be totally dependent on Him for everything. I knew I had God's Spirit, time, talents and my heart that I loved to give generously.

Something He taught me this past summer was to be willing to give it all away, and that I could trust Him to provide. He began speaking to me about heaven and His desire for me to experience it here on earth more and more. His ways and ideas are not crazy, they are perfectly heavenly. I came to realize that my ideas and ways of doing things were actually crazy so when I started hearing from Him, I knew it was His voice. Well, that's just what He did, He spoke about His provision and He provided. I came to L.A. and one of the first weeks back, I met up with my L.A. Mom and Dad, and we chatted it up before I left to see my family. They encouraged and prayed for me before dropping me off at the airport and handed me a card. I opened it up after they left, and I had a legitimate freakout. I pretty much didn't know what to say. Inside was a $1000 check for ministry. Did I ask or say anything? No, God knew my needs and I was able to take that added to 2 other gifts and put that towards my school fees at G42. My mentor back in Michigan works for an organization that matches grants and she was able to match the $1500 God provided which paid for $6000 I needed for G42. Ridiculous!!!! I pretty much couldn't get over how God worked that out. So, I knew the task ahead was to continue to rest, trust and wait. So I did just that and prayed into the $7000 I still need for flights and personal expenses for the remaining 6 months of school. It was the middle of this month and I hadn't gotten my flight to Spain. I knew God would provide, but I didn't know how. I continued trusting even though it was hard. He didn't release me to ask anyone, and told me to let Him do it. So I did, and on Sept 21^st I had a coffee date with my L.A. Mom and Dad. We caught up on the past couple months and they wished me well before my trip home. I went by their house and saw the dopest set of suitcases, and said, "those suitcases are awesome." They looked at me and said, "go ahead, take them." "What?" I was so thankful because I needed new ones for my trip and was just going to go to the goodwill and thrift it up. God cares and doesn't miss a detail.

God's not done yet, and this next crucial part of the story I'm still processing. I get dropped off and Scott begins to tell me that they love investing in me and really believe in what God is doing in my life. He explains how they want to tithe to me and hope that I can put the money to what I need. Of course I start crying and just thanking him and God for what a miracle. Ahhhhhhh!!! Really? That money was put directly to my flight to Spain that I was able to buy the next day, Sept 22^nd, the day before I left for Michigan to see my family. I couldn't have had a more peaceful sendoff. My little heart just got bigger and pretty much was about to explode with gratitude. I'm just blown away by God's way of doing things. It's so much better than mine and He truly loves me and wants to provide for me, done and done. My dear sweet roommates prayed over me, helped me pack, made midnight rides to the storage, let me borrow their car for errands, showered me with the best gifts a sojourner could have and woke up at the dawn to take me to the airport. I look at this summer and have to conclude that God wrapped me up in a bun of love from the beginning to the end. I got to experience Him delighting in me and me delighting in Him. I got to love BIG, and be loved BIG. All the faith He put in me, pushed any ounce of doubt out. I'm not just walking into my destiny and inheritance, I'm running and pioneering in this fight of faith. I'm running with no burdens, resentments, fears, doubts or apathy. I am changed by the friends, family and LOVE of God that I have been surrounded by this past summer. I am not the same Birkleigh I was at the beginning of the summer and I hope that the same love I experienced would spread like a virus, a love virus to all the people in my life, past, present and future.

I leave for Spain on October 2^nd all because of the divine heavenly provision of God and I can't wait to be romanced by Jesus in this season in Spain. We're going to change the world together. We're going to do it one person at a time, making every moment count and see miracles unfold everyday. I am confident that the little sacrifices are making waves in heaven, and I can no longer live for myself. I am truly nothing without my Heavenly Father. I'm trusting God for the rest of my support raising and I can't wait to see how He does it. I know one thing, He always out does Himself and goes above and beyond. Keep praying for me as I embark on this journey and next season of Romance and Rest with Jesus. I'm really looking forward to the teaching, growth and challenge I'm going to receive at G42. There are many speakers, teachers and leaders from all over the world coming to us in the fall, and I'm going to eat it up. Thank you for all your prayers, love, support and please keep in touch with me via email (Birkleigh@gmail.com or through my blog).

 God may be speaking to you through this blog, and if He is, great! I hope He's asking you to trust Him. He wants His best for you and He's patient. He wants heaven to invade your world. In heaven there are no impossibilities, doubts or self sufficiency. He wants to love on you and lavish His love on you everyday. Let Him in a little more and watch the mountains in your life move. He's all about being glorified, and He's the best storyteller ever. Let Him be the Author and Perfector of your Faith today. Get em' Jesus!!!